his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
