he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
