I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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