my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
