It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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