just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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