If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
