Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
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Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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