sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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