i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
