Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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