tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Your cock deserves a montage
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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