Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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