I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
