she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
