I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
