so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
