I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
