Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
