If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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