I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
