I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
