I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she peed on how many people?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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