Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
ttyl tear gas
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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