it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
