im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
