What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
