none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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