I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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