My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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