It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
