Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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