in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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