I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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