my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
