I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
