i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
