just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
