is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
