Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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