New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And then my night got REAL pukey
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
