party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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