So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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