My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
