Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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