will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
