I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is it because I queefed?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
