My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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