I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
