I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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