Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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