You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
