What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
