remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
