I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
honey bunches of taint.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
