i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
