sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
