whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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