Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
