I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
