I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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