Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
