You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
