I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
