Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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