My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
