I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If its not for food we ain't going out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
