I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
