yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
