haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
