I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
