Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
