bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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