Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
