you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I party with great urgency now.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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