Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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