It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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